Under a Moonless Sky
by At the end of Hope
Summary: After her 3D maneuver gear malfunctions Mikasa is left wondering just how much longer she can deny that she wants something more with her Corporal.
1. Prologue

Blood, all I can remember now is blood and despair. After so many years I am beginning to forget about my own parents. One would think that being a prodigy would give me some sort of immunity to memory loss, but that does not seem to be the case. I can remember the most complicated 3D maneuver tactics, but when it comes to my Papa's smile or Mother's smell I draw a blank. Those are the times that I really hate myself, I should be able to remember them, I should be able to picture them as clearly as my younger self.

The wind ripping through my hair calms down, the motion reminds me a little of my mother and how she used to brush my hair whenever I was scared. I keep going faster and faster, the leather straps digging into my body with the force of my propelling. If only I could stop thinking about my past, and my family, I could go to sleep. I look up trying to find the moon that I know will remind me of my mother. The momentary distraction made me miss the fact that one my hooks has malfunctioned and I am left falling to the ground unable to think about a way to stop my fall. Before I can use my gas to arrest some of the momentum of my fall, I feel something hit me from the side, before I am smashed against a tree with someone trying to cushion the impact. I had felt so relieved that someone had come to save me and thinking it had been Eren I let my body go limp, but it had not been Eren the one who had saved me, it was someone else. I felt a blinding pain in the back of my head and right before I lost consciousness I heard a male voice cursing against my neck.


	2. Whispers in the Dark

There are stories of heartbreak, stories of hope, of bravery, of tragedy, of love and happiness. Those are the stories that every kids learns when they are growing up, because in a world like ours there needs to be hope of a happy ending to keep us going while we live within these walls. I thought I had earned my happy ending, after all I had lost my family not once but twice and had been rescued by my dashing prince, so where was my happily ever after? I just wanted to be with Eren, away from all the carnage and suffering, even if it meant to be within the walls, but I knew that he would never give up his dream to be with me. Who was I kidding I was not enough, he could never be happy just with me, like I could with him.

I could feel people around me, touching me, calling to me, but the darkness refused to release me from her grasp. No. I was the one who refused to fight against it, my thoughts about Eren made it too painful to wake, I would remain in the darkness for a little longer.

When I opened my eyes I was floating in a pond. I could remember this pond, it was the same one that my father used to take me when I was little. I remember learning how to swim on it, and my mother bringing us food when we were late for lunch. I could see that it was night time and all around all I could was deafening silence, the sounds of life that I took for granted as a child where not there anymore. I relaxed my body and went underwater, deciding to meditate a little underwater like I used when I was a child. After a few minutes I realized that I did not have to surface for air, and I wondered wether I was already dead, and this was supposed to be my heaven. I thought of Eren and Armin, would they be missing me or just move on like we did after Marco and the others died. I thought of Jean and wether he would blame Eren for my death. I thought of Sasha and her food obsession, Connie and his comic bravery, I also thought of Christa, she would surely shed some tears for me. I hoped that she would try to help Armin so he would not blame himself, because I knew that Eren would be ok, he would mourn me yes, but he would keep fighting.

Even though I could feel some pain, for the most part I was numb here, at peace because I knew that I could end it all if I so wished. All I had to do was let go and I would be safe, I knew that my parents would be waiting for me. If I could not have my happy ending with Eren then I would have my happy ending with my parents, I would revert to that carefree nine year who was innocent on the ways of life. Yes, that would would have to suffice, I could pretend that the last 6 years had been a long nightmare and when I woke up my papa would carry me to his bed and I would sleep safe between my parents.

As I was about to let go I started to hear a voice, getting louder and louder in my head, after all I was still underwater so I could not hear anything. "Ackerman" the voice called. It was distinctly male and much older than I expected. I knew that I had heard it before, it made me irritated, why couldn't he leave me alone?

"Ackerman, stop playing games and wake up you shitty brat!" That insult, it brought memories to the surface, the wings of freedom, a sense of peace and hate at the same time. My head started to hurt and I felt irritated at the voice, I was finally pain free and all he was doing was causing me pain again. Once more I thought about causing bodily harm to whomever had disrupted my slumber.

Before I could summon the strength to do something about the irritating voice I felt something grab my whole body, they felt like vines, that were holding on to my legs and arms and dragging me deeper into the pond. Out of instinct I started to struggle and tried to swim back up, whereas before I had not needed to breathe now my lungs had started to ache with the lack of oxygen. I started to panic a little after another vine seize me from the middle after I had managed to get loose from my right arm. I felt time running out and I realized that the decision had been made for me already, I had taken too long.

I had come here to decide wether to live and keep fighting or die and leave everything behind. My body started to go limp once I realized that there was nothing else that I could do, the vines were too strong, I would die here. Just as I was about to close my eyes I heard the voice again, more desperate this time, "Mikasa! Wake up! Don't you dare die on me after all the trouble I went through to save you, you stupid woman!" I wanted to apologize, tell him that I was not worth it, then I felt something in my cheek, I could have sworn it was a tear in my cheek, but not only was I underwater, but I was not crying, it belonged to him. The voice that kept calling me, berating me and begging me to stay alive.

I realized that I did not want to die, I had to find this person, I needed to see him, to apologize for worrying him. I started to struggle even more against the vines, and as my resolve to reach the surface strengthen, I could feel the vines loosen around my limbs. I was close to the surface and with one last kick I felt the last vine let got of my left foot and my face finally broke through the surface. As I gasped for air I realized that I was no longer in my pond, rather it looked like the medic bay at Headquarters, as I looked around I found a pair of deep cobalt eyes, staring unflinchingly at me, but what surprised me the most was the vestiges of tears that I could find in them.

"Heichou" I whispered before I succumbed to the darkness once more.


	3. Oh, Children

My right shoulder hurt, however it was a pain that I could tolerate. The back of my head was throbbing and when I tried to move my left arm I realized that someone was holding my hand. I tried to open my eyes but the light hurt my pupils and I quickly closed them not before hissing in frustration. The hand that was holding my own gave a gentle squeeze and someone called my name. In my state of drowsiness it took me a moment to place the voice, it was Jean's. "Mikasa, are you awake?" his voice sounded deeper than usual which made me think that he had fallen asleep and my hiss had woken him up. I tried to speak but all that came out was a raspy croak, I guess I must have been unconscious for longer than I thought.

I felt a glass under my lips right before Jean spoke, "Drink slowly, I bet your throat must be dry from the lack of fluids." As I was finishing my first sip I heard the door bang against the wall. Before I could open my eyes I heard Eren screaming at Jean. "What are you doing to Mikasa, Jean? I know that you didn't go to sleep to your room last night!" My ears were ringing a little after Eren finished his rant, and soon enough Jean was screaming right back at him. "I was just making sure that Mikasa was OK, unlike you who did not even bother to check on her before you went to sleep!"

By now my head was pounding and it hurt to breath, I must have injured my ribs along with my shoulder. When I had decided that enough was enough a cold voice silenced Jean and Eren. "What do you think you are doing insolent brats! going at each other like rabid dogs in the sick bay of all places! Kirstein you will have stable duty for a month and you Eren, I expected more from you, is she not a special friend? You will help Kirstein, and I don't want to have to break up any more of your pathetic fights you hear me?" I could hear their feet shuffling and after Heichou was done reprimanding them, I heard them saluting him before leaving.

I heard the corporal moving around the room and rearranging some things, I imagined that he found them to be not up to par to his cleaning standards. My head kept pounding, but I decided to open my eyes, to look at the corporal, after all he had saved me the trouble of breaking up Eren and Jean. My eyes were still sensitive to the light, but I realized that the room was not as bright as it should have been. Corporal Levi had closed the curtains, and while they did not block much of the bright sunlight, it did help my sore eyesight. It felt like hours that we just stood there staring at each other, before his gaze started wandering over my form. I felt naked under his penetrating stare, it took all my will power to keep my stare firmly on his face.

After he seemed satisfied with what he had found with his through inspection he moved the chair that Jean had used so he could seat facing me. Faster that I could follow with my muddled brain he took a seat and started checking my bandages. A few times he made me move my arm just to have me yank the offended appendage and glare at him. "Tsk, tsk Ackerman, you should be more cooperative with the person who saved your life." His comment only made me glare harder at him, and with a raspy voice I answered him "Thank you _Corporal_ I will keep that in mind." I knew that he could detect the dripping sarcasm in my words but I could not bring myself to care.

His gaze remained impassive as always but I could also detect something else on it, something that I could not exactly pinpoint. It was strange seeing any kind of emotion on him. "How is the head? Any unexpected side effects, though I can see your rotten attitude has not improved" I wondered why was he so set on making the people around dislike him, maybe he was more like me than I cared to admit. "My head is fine Corporal. I just need to get out of this bed and I should be back to normal in no time." I made an effort to get out of bed, just to have a hand hold my left shoulder in place. "If you can get out of my grip then you can get out of bed." His words made me loose control and I started to scream at him before I could think clearly of the consequences of screaming at my superior. "I am fine you damnable chibi, now get your hands off me before I remove them from your wrist." I could feel a pressure in my shoulder and soon black spots started to fill my vision, all I could think was "This is getting really old, really soon." And before darkness claimed me once more I could hear him whispering "I'm glad you are OK... Mikasa."


	4. Be Still

Next time I opened my eyes I was being examined by Hanji. I expected her to be her normal boisterous self, but I was flabbergasted by the quiet woman who was changing my bandages. It seemed like she was deep in thought when I woke because she did not have that manic look in her eyes, I assumed that it was because I was not a titan or Eren. A part of me was offended, but another was thankful that she had not taken an interest to me like she had to Eren.

"You know most people would be nursing a broken nose at the very least for the stunt that you pulled." Her voice, though subdued had managed to pull me out of my reverie. "Which makes you an interesting person Mikasa." By now she had finished retying the bandages on my ribs, when she looked up to continue with my head bandages, her stare unnerved me. It reminded me too much of him, it looked ageless, like I could get lost in her eyes, I did not like it. I just stared at her with the same bored look that I gave everyone, hoping that she would go back to normal, well as normal as possible for Hanji.

"I guess I can see why, the same fire burns in both of you," her voice had taken a haunting quality and it made think of what she could be referring to, "He would kill me if he knew that I was talking about him to you, but I am curious, even more curious than Erwin himself is." She kept staring right at my eyes the whole time, making me want to turn my gaze away.

My puzzlement must have shown in my face because she continued talking to me while she unwrapped the bandages covering the top part of my head. "I know that he is a difficult man and that you guys don't have the best relationship, which is why we are so intrigued." She stopped her rambling for a moment to catch her breath, then the look was back. That ageless look that made her look like a completely different person.

"I thought that he would have closed himself off a long time ago, or that he had denied himself for so long that he had forgotten how to feel anymore. Now I see that not all hope is lost, that there is hope, maybe even for the rest of us." I was fascinated with this new side of Hanji that I was seeing, it was so different from the I knew, that I felt special. I knew that very few people had seen this side of her. I wanted to say something but I was trying to think of who she was talking about since she had not known Eren for so long. The fact that it was taking me so long to put a face to the person that she was talking about made confirm my suspicions, I had received a concussion, and a bad one at that if I was having trouble piecing my thoughts together.

"If you are talking about the corporal, then I cannot help you." My voice was

steady, though still raspy. "I don't even think we have a relationship, all I feel is hatred towards him" A smile spread across Hanji's face it transformed her face into the one I had come to know. "So you do not remember do you?" she questioned me with a tilt of her head. Her eyes were somehow sadden by the fact and I felt a pang of guilt.

My eyes narrowed in suspicion what was she talking about? A sharp pain in my left temple made me wince, and Hanji quickly grabbed my head and turned me to look at her, she made me follow her finger and I did comply with her request. After she was satisfied with the results she took the pillows that were propping me up and made me lie down again. After I had spoken those words, I felt like I had been lying, to Hanji and to myself. There were whispers trying to break through my conscious, too low for me to decipher what they were trying to me.

"Hanji, why are you telling me this?" for one moment my defenses were low and that scared nine year old I used to be came out. I would have laughed at Hanji's expression if I was not so angry at myself for my moment of weakness. Her eyes widened comically and behind her glasses they looked even bigger than before. Then they turned maternal, they reminded so much of my mother that for one moment I felt she was here with me. "Because Mikasa, sometimes what we need is not what we want and what wish for is not always what we get."

I felt the air had been knocked out of me, those words made me think of the last day I had spent with my mother and it took all my willpower to breathe again. The pain was swift and intense and all I wanted was to call for my mother and have her rush to my side like she always did. After I managed to get myself under control I realized that Hanji was about to close the door, and before she could leave I asked her the question that I was dying to get answered. "When can I leave?"

Hanji just laughed and answered me after seeing the death glare I sent her way "I want to keep you another couple of days under observation, your head wound was more severe than expected and I believe if it had been anyone else but you and maybe Levi they would be dead." With that she closed the door and left me to my own devices. Alone with my thoughts I started thinking about Levi, and soon enough someone was opening the door to my temporary room.

"What are you doing here?" were the first words out of my mouth after the little shock of seeing this person in my room.


End file.
